BREATHE

I read the blogs, and saw a lot of inspiring stories. I don’t know if mine is inspiring, but I’m feeling good now about myself, and so I wanted to share this story. I just came from a dysfunctional relationship. However, I wanted to make myself believe that it’s not, that we can go on and that it would work out fine, even though I knew it won’t. He took advantage of my money (he didn’t have work), he kept me from going home to my family, he would say things that would affect my self esteem, and he was forceful and abusive. If you ask me why I stayed with him, it was because I wanted to make myself believe that finally, I would get it right. I came from two previous relationships that didn’t end well too. I so much wanted to be able to say that this time, is the last time. Unfortunately, we can’t have everything we want. I couldn’t change him. And he was changing me. I was becoming someone I was not.

The last straw came when he compromised my professional reputation (believe me, he managed to do that). I asked him for space so I could think things through, and so I can mend myself so I can come back to him a whole person. But no, after a few days, his friend informed me that he has been dating several girls already. My first thought was, “C’mon. You’ve got to be kidding me.” But I found out it was all true. It was when I decided to make the separation permanent. He lied about going out and was adamant that he has not been seeing other girls. But to me that was it. It was the tipping point for me.

It was my way out also. I learned that when you are so hurt, there is no lower position you can ever get. I learned that your true friends will hang on and pull you up. I learned that it’s not wrong to love yourself. I learned to have fun on my own, by myself. To see that life goes on, after everything. I learned that sometimes there are people you were not really expecting to pitch in for you, who will surprise you with their goodness.

This is my breather. It’s been three weeks now since we fell apart. The first week was rough. Really rough. I was drunk for days in a row. But I thank God for all the wonderful people who helped me put myself back together. I thank God for my job. I thank God for my family. Now I’m so much better. This is a testament that one can really do something towards getting closer to mending a broken heart.

Xyza, Manila