Healing

So my first year in grad school has come to an end. Last night, we ended our class in group therapy on a dramatic note with the exchange of letters. We decided to read the letters in private and so after a round of drinks with my grad school friends, i went home to snuggle in my bed and take time to read the thoughts and prayers of my classmates.

Letter after letter i read about how my story made such a big impact on their lives and how this has changed the way they’ve perceived the world. the tears came rushing as I realized that my story had moved farther into the hearts of other women and away from my blogging platform.

I cried in both sadness and joy. I cried for the pain I once felt and yet I cried in gratitude for the freedom that I now experience. I thanked God for giving me a mission in life and having carried out this mission as I made my way through my first year of grad school.

I want to make a difference in the world. Most of all, I am hoping that through my experience I can help ignite change.

I read everything from, “i never imagined that beneath your smile was a woman who had gone through so much” to “you story made me think about whether i was actually abused myself”.

Abuse is no joke and although it’s been long since I’ve last felt it creep up on me, I have remained firm in dealing with the world with my new strength.

Last night was an affirmation of the healing I could feel happening within me and for all that my first year of grad studies has been, I am thankful for everything and everyone that I have encountered.

This semester in particular, I have 13 wonderful women to thank for helping me build myself up again.

For every woman who needs to be reaffirmed, know that you are never alone. You’ll be surprised what writing about your story can do for you and how many women out there will flock to support you. I found my initial support on tumblr and facebook; and i hope that you do too.

Sending love to the universe,

g

http://herhairisfullofsecrets.tumblr.com

Manila Minds

I was fortunate enough to be invited to this session of "mutual inspiration" with some people I know, some I didn't but would like to know better.

There were two main questions asked.

1. Define Change and Progress:
My answer- Change is doing something you've never done before- Progress is possibly failing but getting up to try again. Change is EVOLUTION, sometimes a REVOLUTION and progress is finding real SOLUTIONS.

2. What do you do and why do you do it?
My answer- (This took me awhile to answer. In the last 15 minutes this is what I ended up writing down)
I do everything I do so my daughter, and all your children can live in a world I would have wanted us to live in.

A little something to inspire you to maybe have your own group brainstorming sessions, mind melding and just generally opening you up to other ideas as well as those ones you never expressed.

Peace, love and happiness,

E

Mind over Matter

Sometimes you just gotta do things you wouldn't normally want to do in order to reach a bigger goal.

Growing up, I never saw my dad for breakfast. I never saw him in a business suit, or carrying a briefcase. He wasn't that dad that would take work-related calls at dinner or have to cut his hair in a nice work-appropriate style. I grew up with a dad who would meditate for 30 minutes with his door closed, and then head over to host his noontime variety show, record songs in the afternoon and philosophize with us for hours at the dinner table.

My mom was always an artist. She never had an office job, never was one of those women who came home stressed and tired and having to cook dinner for the family. She did pottery for hours on end, helped us study for exams, took us to our gymnastics or ballet lessons, on shopping sprees behind my dad's back and to get our teeth pulled out. I would see her painting, drawing or doing some sort of crafty activity on a regular basis.

Here I am now, working a 9-5 job-something I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever do. It was never a dream of mine to work in an office, or to do anything BUT what I was passionate about. My points of reference where both artists, both working on their own time, to their own beat.

I always worked that way too, and for the first time, I decided to try something new, which was insert a bit of structure in my life to balance myself out. I won't lie, it's been a difficult time adjusting to knowing you need to be in one place for 8-9 hours a day. It's frustrating to not be able to attend weekday get togethers and brainstorming because it's at 4 pm and you can't leave, or to not see your daughter except on weekends because she's asleep when you get home.

I know millions of people have been in this rat race for decades, but I guess I still need time to get used to it. Despite the growing pains, there are, of course, many things I am still grateful for.

My daughter and my boyfriend are two people that have been extremely patience with me during this indulgent post-Saturn depression I've been going through. I am more than grateful for my daughter's after-work hugs and wide excited eyes. I'm thankful for my boyfriend's late night, 2 hour phone calls where it's mostly me talking and him making me feel better.

I'm grateful for the slow and steady living here in the South, and although I miss seeing my friends all the time, I find myself wishing they would all move here instead of me moving out there.

I'm grateful that I HAVE a job. Even if I complain about not having time to do what I want, feeling caged in an office and all that, I have a job. Some people spend months, even years trying to find one, and I have it. It has it's compromises for sure, and things I wish were different (I still wish I could work from home) but at the end of the day, I'm dong what I gotta and working for my daughter's future. Can't hate on that.

So even if life isn't always perfect, even if I can't always be the happy go lucky hippie I've always been, life IS good.  And now more than ever I understand the words "The struggle is the blessing"

...because really, it is.