BREATHE

I read the blogs, and saw a lot of inspiring stories. I don’t know if mine is inspiring, but I’m feeling good now about myself, and so I wanted to share this story. I just came from a dysfunctional relationship. However, I wanted to make myself believe that it’s not, that we can go on and that it would work out fine, even though I knew it won’t. He took advantage of my money (he didn’t have work), he kept me from going home to my family, he would say things that would affect my self esteem, and he was forceful and abusive. If you ask me why I stayed with him, it was because I wanted to make myself believe that finally, I would get it right. I came from two previous relationships that didn’t end well too. I so much wanted to be able to say that this time, is the last time. Unfortunately, we can’t have everything we want. I couldn’t change him. And he was changing me. I was becoming someone I was not.

The last straw came when he compromised my professional reputation (believe me, he managed to do that). I asked him for space so I could think things through, and so I can mend myself so I can come back to him a whole person. But no, after a few days, his friend informed me that he has been dating several girls already. My first thought was, “C’mon. You’ve got to be kidding me.” But I found out it was all true. It was when I decided to make the separation permanent. He lied about going out and was adamant that he has not been seeing other girls. But to me that was it. It was the tipping point for me.

It was my way out also. I learned that when you are so hurt, there is no lower position you can ever get. I learned that your true friends will hang on and pull you up. I learned that it’s not wrong to love yourself. I learned to have fun on my own, by myself. To see that life goes on, after everything. I learned that sometimes there are people you were not really expecting to pitch in for you, who will surprise you with their goodness.

This is my breather. It’s been three weeks now since we fell apart. The first week was rough. Really rough. I was drunk for days in a row. But I thank God for all the wonderful people who helped me put myself back together. I thank God for my job. I thank God for my family. Now I’m so much better. This is a testament that one can really do something towards getting closer to mending a broken heart.

Xyza, Manila

A jeepney Story

a few nights ago while riding the jeepney on the way home i felt very fortunate to witness one of life's most beautiful bittersweet moments. 

a couple with a 3 yr old daughter boarded the jeep and sat on opposite sides behind the driver. they caught my attention because first, i thought the husband was the woman's dad because he looked old enough to be her father. second, after a few seconds inside the jeepney they were just staring at each other and then the woman motioned for the husband to pay the fare. i got curious when he handed the money to the driver and the driver asked him what was their destination, i couldn't understand the husband's reply because his voice was barely audible. and then he made some gestures with his hands, that's when i understood that he was deaf. i looked at the wife who was holding their kid, she seemed apprehensive because the husband didn't shell out their exact jeepney fare, thus having to answer the driver's question regarding their destination. the husband motioned that it wasn't a big deal because he seemed like he could manage to utter a few words to be normally understood. by the look on the wife's face and the forceful way she was gesturing with her hands (banging her fist on her palm to assert her point maybe), i think she was not pleased. by this time i guess they were already arguing, and i was fascinated with how they could be "voicing" out their reasons without being "loud" and both of them wanting to be "heard" by the other. 

a lot of thoughts flooded my mind when i looked away from them because i was starting to look like i was watching a spectator (which i really was). questions like how did they fall in love? and who between them is really the deaf mute one, i mean diba, i think there are different levels of being deaf and mute, one is not really knowing how to talk and just using sign language, the other is learning how to do basic talking and still communicating through sign language, etc. i also wondered if their kid inherited her parents' disability or if she was normal how did she learn her first words? and how did her parents teach her to say those words if they themselves couldn't talk properly? and how do they live each day of their lives as a family if both the mother and father's  hinders them from living normally?

before they got off the jeep i stole one last look at them, this time i noticed the woman timidly smiling, maybe their argument has been resolved, i realized the answer to my questions could be summarized in three words: FAITH, HOPE, and most of all LOVE.

FAITH in each other is what binds them together as a couple, and trust that they could do anything for the sake of their kid. and also, FAITH that God will always provide for them. HOPE, that amidst their disability life still holds good things for them. and LOVE,  

the love that they have for each other is all that they need to keep moving on. 

i know this sounds cheesy but that's what i was thinking while riding home, i feel blessed that i was able to witness something like that. it was beautiful and it gave me something to learn. that night i offered a prayer for that family, i thanked the Universe for making them an instrument for me to learn something, and also i prayed that yes, life indeed would be good to them, in spite of...

 i also thank this beautiful family for making me remember how it is to really write from the heart again.

jas from manila

A beautiful Life

31 years ago today, I was born.

What could be more awesome than that?

*looks up* Eyes closed* smiles*

Salute to the big guy ;p

Thank You.

I am currently traveling again and my internet is intermittent, which explains my lack of posting.

Tonight I went to Philip Island, about 2 hours from Melbourne, and I saw about 200 little penguins emerge from the sea. It was an awesome sight.

On the way home, I realized one thing: I have seen many amazing things in my life. For this I am truly grateful, and hopeful that I am deserving enough to see many more.

-Erica, Manila (via Melbourne)

dancing like no one is watching.

Because this girl always managed to make me smile.

 

I believe that in your lifetime, there is this certain friend who comes into your life.

You become instant friends, and the moment you first spoke it was as if you had known each other for years.

Her excitement is contagious and her warmth is welcoming.

She moans, whines, and complains with you.

She laughs and cries with you.

She loves your husband. And he loves her just the same.

She comes over to your house (halfway across the city)  to raid your cupboards because she has no food in her hers.

You can both dance and sing around the room like it is a stage as if you two are the only ones in it.

She drinks wine with you.

She tells you she loves you twenty times a day.

She loves unconditionally and she does not judge.

A passionate one who brings fun into your life.

She is the one you talk to when you think you are pregnant, goes through every step of the pregnancy with you and is your first visitor besides family after you give birth.

She brings energy to the room when the silence is overbearing.

She is the one who you can speak to ten times in one morning before you meet up for lunch.

She is crazy. Totally melodramatic and expressive.

Her confidence radiates and lights up the room.

And she always dances like no one is watching her.

You are complete opposites.

Total opposites that fit together.

-rae, manila

Girlfriends

I have had several chapters in my life change, but one thing that has remained constant in the past 10 years has been these girls - Carla, Hanna and Reg.

It shouldn't really take a lot for someone to know which relationships should matter and which people are worth calling "friends".

 Girlfriends have a special bond, like sisters, that see you through every rough decision, triumph, and heart ache. We rejoice together and when the occasion calls for it, we cry together too.

In the past 8 months, I have learned to curl up and hide. I've become an expert at pushing the world away. So far away in fact, that only these girls have been able to find me.

I have never felt any more love than through the people who have continued to support me. Carla, Hanna and Reg have been strong for me. When I couldn't seem to bring myself together, they have rushed from all parts of the Metro to catch me just when I've lost my own strength. And best of all, when no one else understood, they did. And even if sometimes they could not wrap their heads around it, they embraced me when I did not know how to love myself.

LOVE is infinite.

I learned that from a homily at the Easter Vigil. Love, the priest said, was infinite because we were capable of sharing our lives with other people despite all the pain we may have been through.

Reg, Hans, Carl and I have certainly had our share of pains in the past 24 years. But it has been in the very way I've watched all three of them make such beautiful things out of their pains that has inspired me to make something just as great out of mine.

When they excelled, I drew inspiration from their successes, and when they stumbled, we taped it to our bulletin board of things to watch out for.

I thank God for each of them.

I thank Him for Hanna, who has inspired me to dance to the beat of God's drum under the tempo of positivity, Carla, who has inspired me to be head-strong and to push for any dream, and my bestest bestest friend Reg, who has inspired me to value FAMILY (among many other things).

Here's to our future girls!
And to looking back, only so often. ;-)

Gisa Paredes, Manila

I Heart NY

Growing up with three sisters, there were a ton of catfights.
We would all fight over anything and everything even when there was
nothing to fight about
Funny enough once we all began to go our separate ways we all started
to miss having someone to fight with. My oldest sister left the house
to start her own family, the other to start college and the youngest
joined the U.S. Navy and ended up in Italy.
The four of us would go for months not speaking to each other but when
they all came home for the holidays it was like we were never apart.
Late last year my sister was going through a tough time with her
marriage. She called me crying one day asking me for help. She never
asks for help so i knew she meant serious business.
She asked me to move in with her so I could help out with her son, my nephew.
I grew up in Southern California and have always said there is no
place i could ever see myself living in. My friends are all there and
its what i know. I've been to many places but i always come back to
California because California is home and home is where my heart is.
My sister lives in New York, now while anyone else would jump at the
chance i was hesitant to move across the country. I don't know anyone
in the east coast aside from my sister and nephew and i knew it would
be a huge adjustment. All my friends said i would hate it and i
agreed.
The first couple of weeks was horrible. I would cry for no reason, but
mostly because i missed California and everything i left there. It
also happened to be winter when i moved east so it was snowing and
that was depressing. They don't call it winter blues for nuthin.
Cut to three months later and i don't want to leave. Although i do
miss my life back in California I have fully adjusted to city life.
Nothing quite compares to walking at Central Park at 6am while
everyone else are sleeping. The city is beautiful in the morning when
its not littered with tourists.
There are so many things to see, I never get sick of anything. Nothing
quite compares to hearing 10 different languages being spoken all at
the same time. I don't even care that i don't understand any of it,
its just a beautiful thing to hear. Most days i just walk around with
no particular place to be at. Sometimes i go to a museum and stare at
a painting or hang around Times Square and people watch. It is in fact
the city that never sleeps and i'm glad to be one of its minions.
Now if only I could get my friends to come visit me

Julie - Oxnard, CA via NYC

LOL!

If there is one thing that made me laugh out loud several today it is this word:

Jejemon

Don't know what it means? Google it.

Happy Laughing!

Erica, Back in Manila

Mexican Fiesta

I think that sometimes (okay, most times) I thrive on stress. I can't seem to do things unless there is some kind of panic involved. This is why I am always lacking in sleep or getting headaches. My time management skills are pretty awful. I mean I get everything done, but I could have got it done at a more leisurely pace had I not procrastinated. This is a problem I deal with regularly and I know a lot of people are the same. Work becomes encompassing and all of sudden I find myself getting cranky and irritable and just not very pleasant to be around.

It's moments like these, that I have to go out of my way to remind myself to slow down and breathe. That it's all just work and that I have to stop and relax or I'll just drive myself crazy. And then, when I do manage to stop for a second, I find a few moments (hopefully a few hours or even a day) to just enjoy myself and spend it with loved ones doing things that make me happy.

One such example of this was Mexican Fiesta night! Family and friends and I had been planning to do this for weeks now and it kept getting pushed back. Finally last weekend though we decided to just do it and got everyone together for a delicious feast of Mexican goodies! My cousin, and chef extraordinaire, Barni put together her delicious Mexican specialties like quesadillas, burritos, black bean salad, homemade salsa, and shrimp fajitas and I added a few humble additions like tacos and tosadas. And my mom-in-law threw in her mouth-watering seven layer dip! We even downloaded an all Mexican themed playlist (insert: Bamboleo) and rounded up good friends and family to enjoy the feast, coupled with delicious frozen margaritas ala Nino.

Diets were thrown out the window and everyone helped themselves to Barni's delicious fare (all healthy mind you! I am still dreaming of quesadillas to this day!) and we just got to relax and enjoy good company for one night out of a busy and hectic week. It was a great evening with good friends and a perfect way to recharge for the stress that I know is coming.

Life can get hard - no doubt. And jobs can get taxing, but I think that if we all remember to take time out to remember what's worth living for - having family and friends who love you, a good night's sleep, and a delicious shrimp fajita  - then you are sure to appreciate your blessings no matter how stressed out you get! Don't forget to enjoy the little pleasures when you can! They are what make everything worthwhile :)

- Michelle, Manila

Age ain't nuthin' butta numbah

I was out at a dinner with family and a close family friend from Japan last night. He is a funny and charismatic 88-year old professor, advisor and may I add, is in great shape (despite his pace maker). He is my (soon-to-be) mother-in-law’s foster father in Japan during her college years.

At the start of dinner, sitting next to me, he whispered that he wants to order San Miguel Pale Pilsen, with a cheeky grin on his face! How can you resist that and say no! So we order him one. The first gulp he took, he closes his eyes, smiles and says a big “aahhhhh!” Three bottles later, he says he is in heaven! It made me smile that he was in total bliss and enjoying every single moment.

After dinner, we’re walking to the car together and he says to me….

Dr.: “I’m so very happy today, I don’t know why!”

T: “I think it’s the San Miguel, sir!”

Dr.S: “No, I think it’s because I was sitting next to you!”

Unexpectedly, that made me blush! I smiled and gently patted him on the shoulder, most certainly sure it was the San Miguel talking! Even if it was the first time to meet him, his charm and attitude in life certainly left a scar in my heart. 

Simple gestures and actions from people just make you appreciate life even more.    

- T, Manila -

No ordinary day

My day started out like most..woke up, got dressed, ran errands...

And then...after a late night grocery run, I came home to this....

My godchild, Kala-8 months. Today was the first time I met her, as I live in Manila and she, in Sydney. I haven't been back since this time last year so it was awesome to finally see her! The Christening is this Sunday...get ready for the ride called "being Erica's inaanak", Kala!

--Erica, Manila via Sydney

[Smile Project] Episode 3: The Case of the Berkelouw Bookworms

Reading Erica's entry below made me crack a smile and burst into a giggle.

You know you have found a friend for life when you take the same photos (on completely separate occasions) of a place you absolutely love!

Lisette's Love: Berkelouw Book Barn, Berrima

Erica's Love: Berkelouw Bookstore, Newtown

- Lisette (still smiling), Sydney

Sydney Smiles

I've been such a slacker with posting the past few days! So hard to sit still while on vacation but here are a few things that have made me happy/grateful/smiley/laugh lately.

1. I got to see a few of my friends the first day I arrived. We had a few drinks at the house :)

2. El Jannah-Seriously folks, if you are ever in Sydney, you MUST go to Granville and try El Jannah Lebanese Charcoal Chicken. Incidentally, El Jannah means "Paradise" in Arabic, and let me tell you, it it goes beyond its name.When I am in Sydney I eat this regularly, when I am not I dream about it.

3. Berkelouw Books in Newtown. 1st Floor-new books (great selection too!) 2nd floor-second hand books and cafe. Such a cozy place. I loved it :)

4. El Jannah. Yes, again.

5. The nice guy behind the counter at the Indian place in Westpoint who gave me free Gulab Jamun.

6. Shopping with my sister.

7. Cold weather!-I'm not usual a fan but it is a welcome break from Manila's heat.

Little things make me happy. Hope you found stuff to make you smile too :)

Peace, Erica-Manila (now in Sydney! ;p)

Take a Walk

When I was at my lowest, my bestfriend (other than my real bestfriend) was talking long, liberating walks. Whenever you're sad, whenever you're confused, or on the verge of blowing up in the middle of  fight,  feeling ancy or just plain down in the dumps, my advice is: take a walk. You know what they say: exercise=endorphines=happy.

Once in San Francisco, my bestfriends and I walked around and just let go. We actually bumped into a few hilarious/cute/quirky characters.

                                        

Mrs. (MR.) Potts hanging outside of H&M

Weird Fat Geisha Man entering his car

      And the cutest little mouse I've seen in Pier 39!!!!    

Talk a walk. It helps. :)

Cheerios, 

Andrea

Love is Bliss

It was like a loud drum beat that came ringing to my ears. It was so loud that I thought I was heading towards loosening my sense of hearing. I looked around, searched for where the sound was coming, pointing to where the waves are rooted from its origin and then I realized, it was coming from the left side of my chest. It was coming from my heart. I was in love.

It wasn’t that long since he first held my hand and carried through the winds to face the world as one with him. It was only three years and six months ago, but it already felt like forever. I haven’t notice the time was fleeting fast maybe because each time I am with him, every moment stops. Every single minute I lay my head on his shoulder, it feels like I am in a magical ball where the music is endless. Each note is like a tiny hearts and every melody is like a beautiful butterfly. Blissful!

Not all people are blessed with a kind of love that can take you to places far beyond reach, but I am thankful to God for giving me a man whose hand perfectly fits mine. It’s always a good feeling to have someone whom you can share your likes and dislikes, your heartaches and heartbreaks, your happiness and hatred, your dreams and your aspirations.  Yes, we have shared many things. We’ve laugh, we fight, we kiss and we make up.

For me, he is a lover, a teacher, a companion, a partner, an enemy and most of all, he is my best friend. He knows me inside out and accepts me for what I am. Even if I have a tan skin, even if I have flab, even if I cry easily, even if I am sometimes a brat, even if I annoy him sometimes, even if I pinch him, even if I eat a lot of chocolates and gain weight the nest morning, even if I write a lot of nonsense things, even if I sometimes open his social networking accounts, even if I don’t talk much and the list can go endless. I pray that God will embrace us as we both continue with our journey, until we seal our fingers with the ring of matrimony, until little “mini me’s” comes running around our house, until arthritis crawls to our bones at the end of the long day, until our hair turn silver and gray, and until we come home to heaven’s paradise.

--Julie Ann

Davao City, Philippines

Gabletop Taming

these fools. it's not even that they make me smile -- it's beyond that.
whenever we're together for extended periods of time, my throat starts
to hurt from laughing too loud and too often. happiness, pure and simple.

this is really my fiance's group of guy friends; since raf and i have been
together the longest, i've gone through periods with this group of fools
when i was the only girl, or i didn't like a certain girlfriend, or one of them
stopped hanging out with us regularly because he spent more time with
his girlfriend and her group of friends -- which are all fine by me, because
at the end of the day, they're my friends no matter what.

but in recent months it's really been great, hanging out with them and
their girlfriends. each of these girls is a perfect fit for each of these fools,
and i'm so happy that they've all found each other. and you know how
sometimes, you feel iffy about hanging out with your friend's significant
other without your friend, because the significant other doesn't really
have a lot in common with you? it NEVER HAPPENED with these girls.
if anything, we've all been pleasantly surprised by how open they are
to our silly little traditions, habits and quirks.

i guess i just want to say thanks to these three amazing women, for making
these three fools happy, and for being so AWESOME that i look forward to
hanging out with them every single weekend (even if i haven't known some of
them for very long).

-miao, manila

happiness = (food) + (kid) x (mess)

My 3-year-old niece.

She makes me laugh at every moment. Whether she is telling me a knock-knock joke, which always involves the caller being [insert random word here] poopie, or she's telling me a story, which always somehow involves creepy things (yes, she's a little bit quirky). She'll call me simply to say hello or ask me if I can sleep over. She's smart, animated, and so freaking cute – she makes every time I spend with her the most awesome day ever.

---cc, new york city

Sibling Love

I don't like in the same country as the rest of my family, so being able to fly to Sydney to see them, or them coming home is always a treat for me.

I am in Australia at the moment, and I had happy hour drinks in the backyard with my not-so-little brother, Mio, about life in general and his plans for the next year or so.

it was nice catching up with him and talking to him like an adult, which more and more I realize he is becoming. At 21, he has a long way to go and many changes that will happen to him, but it's nice to be able to have real conversations and give him advice as well.

Me (30) and my brother Mio (21) :)

--Erica Paredes

My Good NIght Buddy

enjoy the last few minutes (which sometimes stretch into a couple hours) of the night with my dear little boy. Here he is playing around with the pillows. We’ve got eight in our bed, and I only get to use one :P

 KV VIllareal, Manila

Will work for Chocolate

One thing that makes me really happy and fulfilled is working with my hands. I love creating things and getting my hands dirty in the kitchen. Above are Cafe Mocha truffles. I love it when people love what I make :)

--Erica Paredes